Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
