It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
