Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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