why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
