i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
