So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
