what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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