i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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