??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
