Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
