so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
