I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I love you.
Bad choice
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
