i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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