I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
