He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize