Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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