one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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