well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
