I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize