What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
