We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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