tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize