sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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