I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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