$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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