Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
