I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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