so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
