I think I died a long time ago.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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