I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
