if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my sisters under your porch take her home
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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