Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
