So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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