I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
