He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
