It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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