Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
