better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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