Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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