hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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