I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
