im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
