my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
