2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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