You made me cry and you don't even care
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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