I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
