if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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