jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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