This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
do nipples grow back?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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