I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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