mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize