i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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