yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
