His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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