Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
