Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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