I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
