you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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