Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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