How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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