You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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