Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
