If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
