she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
