Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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