so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do herpes really smell.
bring money and cleavage
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
