you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
birth control should be required to get into college
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
