The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
