Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Drake has all the answers
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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