You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just invented taco cereal.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize