You're my little dorito
that's an acceptable place to lick
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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