he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
