I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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