I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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