I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
its liver damage thursday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
