I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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