I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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