We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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