I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
