What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
