did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize