i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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