I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
