im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
