I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
