You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you still have your period?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
