my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Damn victory sex feels great
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