The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
