we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize