tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
...so i touched it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
