i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
