yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
