I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
