Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize