It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
