That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
