I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
