God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
